Nothing But a Visitor.

I know I have always been a let down.. I admit it myself; I am... And sadly enough, it never occurred me to change into a better person, you know...

In my right mind, I am always Right.. I do whatever I want, practically because I know I could, and I would.. Nobody would object to what I want, and even if they did, I will always find a way to get what I want, no matter what the cost.. I know, I know.. I am living a completely ignorant life.. And took everything for granted..

I am currently back in my own home, in ol' Kota Kinabalu.. And yet, it is the strangest thing ever.. I just cannot get rid myself of this strange atmosphere.. Maybe this is just me, but I do feel unwanted here.. Like I do not belong here.. It is strange to be home, but not feel at home.. Guess this pretty much describe the title eh? I feel uneasy all the time, anxious beyond my wits; like something bad is going to happen any minute..

Plus the fact that there is no single speck of "proper" food in the house makes it any more worse.. By mean of proper food, I mean cereals, fruits, dairy stuff.. None of that!! How depressing.. All they seem to have are cupcakes, cakes, sugary biscuits.. Needless to say, they only contain sugar and carbs and I am having none of that..

But are they not food you serve to your guest?? You will not be serving your guests cereal and cheese and milk right?? What a weird choice of condiments right? Hahaha..

In the back of my mind, I wish I were back in KL.. Tucked safely in my room, alone.. I was secure, I was happy..

Too bad eh? :(

Empty Promises...

Like a routine, I would always promised myself to be more productive in the next semester, or current semester..

Sadly enough though, I guess the phrase "All talk and No action" suits me perfectly..

In fact, I managed to do all those things that I promised NOT TO DO.. Hahaha..

I slacked off..

I cut class..

I had fun..

I spent a lot.. ( Something that I never ever been able to get rid of, its a curse. )

and some other stuff, you know..

Yerr something needs to be done!

Brainwash me!! Torture me!! Anything!!

ANything so I can be a perfect student-ish type.. ^^

I wish things will be easier like that eh?

Oh I really miss the beach.. :(

I never felt nothing in the world like this before

Now I'm missing you

& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door

Why did you have to go? You could have let me know

So now I'm all alone,

You could have stayed

but you wouldnt give me a chance

With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand

And all my tears they keep running down my face

Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?

Are you that afraid of me?

But I know it's a lie what you keep inside

This is not how you wanted to be

So baby I will wait for you

Cause I don''t know what else i can do

Don't tell me I ran out of time

If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you

If you think I'm fine it just aint true

I really need you in my life

No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me

(How could you forget about me)

You got me feeling crazy (crazy)

How can you walk away,

Everything stays the same

I just can't do it baby

What will it take to make you come back

I told you what it is & it just ain't like that

Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me

Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again

Get it back to the way it was

If you give me a chance I can love you right

But your telling me it wont be enough

Baby I will wait for you

If you think I'm fine it just aint true

I really need you in my life

No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

Love,

Roz.

Something shocking about the already known.

Oh God..

I knew it I just knew it!!

Something that is already known to me, but I kept it inside me...

For fear that it might "just" not be right...

This morning woke up with a tinge of irritation.. ( I hated waking up in the morning.. )

And when I checked my usual sites, Oh GOD!

So it is true..

But I guess I'll just keep it inside me, again...

It makes no great feats to spread it around..

Hahaha..

Aaarrgghhh but it irritates me so.. T_T"

I feel like pulling all my hair out when I found out about "that".. XD

( but I'll do it in a "sexy seductive way" so it'll leave a good impression )

You know, like one of those bitches having a super fit??

Or whip my hair around like that girl, whats her name? some Smith something..

I tried..

And I puked..

I can't even remember where I am after that.. >_<"

Cheers..

Love,

Roz.

Anxious...

Aaaaa.. I'm going back to KL soon..

Sooooo effin' irritating!!!

Where's the holidays???

I haven't done anything fun yet!!!

Eeeee!!!

Noooo~~

I guess it's time to go back to my uni..

And start suffering all over again.. ^^
( not that I've suffered.. hehe.. )

Oh Pochi..

Should I or should I not???

I think I will do it!!!

Loo can do it, why can't I????

YEAAA!!! That's it!! I'm gonna get cha Pochi!!

Weeee!!

Just please don't chew any of my stuff.. hehe..

Just a thought..

I was on my way to the bathroom to take a short hot relaxing bath when I just feel like having a drink..

So I went to the fridge and took a can of Coke and started walking back to my room ( since I have my own bathroom in my bedroom ) while thinking just how good that particular can of Coke would taste..

Heavenly, don't you think?

As I started to open the lid, I was attacked by this sudden thought of Coke's amount of sugar, the agony it would take for me to burn all those fats... Eugh... It was soo gruesomely scary that I quickly went out of my room and put the Coke back in the fridge..

Instead, I had myself a very cool refreshing glass of water instead of the sugar-attack fatty acidic scary gruesome Coke.. ^^

Healthy!!! Woot woot!!

Ain't I a good kid..? Hahaha!

..regret..

First and foremost, i am sorry.. To all those people that I've hurt before, and to those I hurt now.. I am sorry.. There are things that we cannot control, and shit just happen, you know.. Therefore, I am sorry.. ( again.. )

Here I am, in my room, with the door locked and my headset tucked steadfastly to my ears with the music roaring loudly ( through the headset.. i don't know how they work, but, Oh well.. ) I kind of enjoyed this feeling.. I am here alone, in my own private space, doing my own things, undisturbed by others.. This is my sanctuary, though things have not been smooth lately.. I don't know why.. Things I've done these few days, they invite only hatred and irritation towards others.. Frankly i have no idea why or what I've done.. But things just seems to be that way.. Nothing seems to be all goody-goody now.. Now it seems that two of my friends are super pissed off with me.. I mean, wow.. And this is all because.. Ouch.. I don't think I'll share it here.. I am such a coward.. ^^ The truth hurts, as well as the excuses made to conceal the truth.. Everything hurts to an extend that you don't even know what to do anymore..

To those two, I am sorry.. I really am.. I know nothing will fix that now.. And no excuses will help anything now, and yeah, no point making excuses because apparently a certain girl is soo tired of me making excuses.. Hurm.. The more I think of it, the more dejected and sad I am.. Okay, I know that I make a lot of excuses but have you look in the mirror yourself? When you get pissed or angry, you affect everybody near you with your super-emotional reaction! I am soo angry with this, but I have not the power to talk about it in front of your face just yet.. Soon, when I can take it no longer....

Sometimes, I wish i can just turn back time and do something to avoid all of this.. Sometimes, I just wish that I am alone.. It's easier.. Don't you think? You don't have to give a shit towards others and all you need to think is yourself and only yourself.. It saves up all the trouble.. Aaaarrgghh!! Life is soo unfair..

Shit.. I guess i just entered my post-traumatic and sulky mode this instant.. It'll be quiet these few days, i guess.. Hurm.. Figures..

-roz-